It’s official. My divorce is final, finally. I have been through the ordeal this time around. This was the longest amount of time I’ve been married. Out of my four marriages I was married to this new ex-wife 10 and a half years. We’ve been split for 2 and a half of those years. I cannot say it was the best marriage out of the four. It is amazing the amount of misery one can put up with when they do not want to be the one to walk. I hit my misery limit after discovering I was being lied to over something we were supposed to be getting as a family, something that would have lifted a huge financial burden off of us was stolen by my ex, and that she had been lying to my face over it for quite some time. I know. Sounds weird. Most couples split over cheating. Not us. I wish it would have been that straightforward. I fell out of love with her long ago. Something like that would not have bothered me as much, at least I don’t think it would have. The marriage consisted of her draining me dry financially, physically, and emotionally. I’m glad it ended. I do not think I could have survived much more of it. I was there, but not there. Mentally, emotionally, then physically I withdrew from her because I could sense something was amiss. I was told repeatedly all was well, and it was just me. Turns out I was right all along! I promise myself this much: I will always listen to my gut, take heed, and act when things don’t seem right, regardless of the assurances of others. If I have learned one thing at this point in my life is that I have pretty good instincts when it comes to people, and I need to follow those instincts.
Now I’m back on the dating scene. It is not what it was ten years ago. Online dating is a mystery to me, and I have been having a hell of a time finding a decent woman to date. There are lots of users, losers, and abusers; however, I’ve yet to find a woman to date who when the mask is removed is a person I could in all honesty hang around with and feel good about myself. I have tried hanging around the friends I gave up when I got married, and thus far I have met with more disaster than success in reestablishing these friendships. People I thought were good friends at one time have turned out to be rotten to the core. In each case, save one thus far, these old pals have done nothing but loot me, and try to drag me down into the misery that is their existence. There are a only a few left I would consider remaining friends with.
Now I embark on a bold new adventure at the age of 50. I hope I take all the lessons I have learned the hard way, apply them, and have happiness the balance of my life. The most important lesson for me is that I’m okay, and can be happy as a single person. I do not need anyone to validate my existence. I’m comfortable in my own skin.